In Blue: Episode One

I hate everyone.

From the moment I was born, everyone said that I was oh so special. The special child, the magic creature, the brilliant blue bastard. Oh yea, blue. I'm blue. Blue as a baboon's ass. Or a fairy's, in this case.

It's all the fault of my great-grandmother, who decided, hey, normal guys? Not doin' it for me. I'm gonna get myself some of that fairy tail (do you see what I did there? With the stupid pun? Yes, it was a pun! Do you hate me yet? Cause I hate you.) Well somehow, that fairy managed to get granny dearest pregnant, despite being about a quarter of her size. Nobody knew. Cross-species mating... well, let's just say that people don't really like it around here. At all. Stupid people. I hate them. I hate all of them.

So anyway. After little boy blue put the whammy on granny, gramps was born. And... nada. Nothing. No blue, no short, no nothin'. Just an ordinary kid. I hate gramps. Most normal man in the world. And my dad, too! Just blah blah blah, with the straw colored hair and the brown eyes and the normal, boring, tan skin. Normal voices. Normal smiles. Even my mom agrees that her husband's a boring-ass piece of work. So what happened to me?

Oh, I was special. So very special.

So out popped my blue ass, followed by my blue feet, my blue chest, and finally, my blue little face. They thought I was strangling at first, but oh no, I was find. Sufferin' a little bit of blue balls (hah!) from the lack of warmth, but breathin' like any little kid. Then they turned me over and saw the wing buds.

I think that's when the nurse screamed and dropped me.

So yeah, story of my birth. Everyone in shock. Everyone disgusted. Everyone staring. Everyone except my mother, who leap up from the bed, butt naked and bloody, swooped me off the floor and after one look announced that “Tammy!” would be the cute blue baby's name.

Did I mention that my mom's insane? Oh yeah. I hate her.